Do you want fries with your gun?

“Tombstone” is one of my favorite movies. I’m a sucker for westerns to begin with, and couple that with Kurt Russell’s overall coolness and you have fine cinema right there, my friends.

The quick and dirty synopsis of the flick is the Earps – that would be famed lawman Wyatt and his bros (along with their hoes) – move to Tombstone, Arizona, after fighting bad guys in black hats in Dodge City, Kansas. Within minutes of stepping off the coach in Tombstone, the Earps witness a shootout on main street.

Welcome to Arizona, Mr. and Mrs. Earp.

It’s no secret, the Grand Canyon state is one of those states that earned its wild west reputation. However, I thought that aura had long blown away with the wind like a tumbling tumbleweed. We’re in the 21st century for Gods sake, the cowboys and Indians of the 1880s are now home developers and casino moguls.

Then I read this story:

PHOENIX — With the state's restaurants no longer opposed, a Senate panel agreed Wednesday to let Arizonans carry their pistols into places where they eat lunch, even if liquor is sold there.

The 4-2 vote by the Senate Committee on Commerce and Economic Development came after the bill was written so weapons would be allowed only in restaurants where the owner or manager first posts a sign specifically permitting patrons to be armed.

Also, the scope of the allowable weapons was narrowed to sidearms, eliminating the possibility that diners could bring in their rifles and shotguns.

No word on where Arizonans can hitch their horses. I guess the legislature didn’t get that far.

So, let me get this straight, in the near future I can pack heat when ordering a chimichanga at Macayo’s? This has bad news written all over it, folks.

Diner to waitress, “Excuse me, we’ve been waiting for our meal for 20 minutes.”

Waitress: “Well, sir, we’re extremely busy tonight. But I’ll personally check with the cook and let you know how much longer.”

Diner: “No need, ma’am, I’ll just mosey on back and put a cap in your cook’s ass with my handy-dandy glock. That’ll speed him up.”

The best part of this bill is that Arizona’s lawmakers – my lawmakers – eliminated the opportunity for patrons to bring in shotguns and rifles, which means they initially included that nugget in the bill. Can you imagine sitting down with the family for a nice Italian dinner Olive Garden, meanwhile the couple next to you has a pair of sawed-off double barrel shotguns sitting on and empty seat – within arms reach, of course.

Seriously, they had to discuss whether to include shotguns and rifles in this bill? You ask me whether Joe Schmoe Arizonan should be toting a bazooka inside a favorite eatery and there's no discussion. What kind of trouble are you expecting that you need a deer rifle strapped to your back while choosing between a scoop cookie dough and mint chocolate chip ice cream at Baskin-Robbins?

But I guess you never know what’s about to go down while you lapping a bowl of Pasta Fagioli, your personal arsenal must be near your person. Woe to the person who backs into you on those Olive Garden rolling chairs. If it’s me, I’ll go John McClain on their ass and unload both barrels.

And after the smoke settles and I clean the linguini and clam sauce off Wife’s shirt, I’ll tell the hapless wild west victim: “Welcome to Arizona, pardner.”